Today, I Give Up

Life sort of feels like this today...

My son had open house for his Pre-K class today.

Rachel, Jon and I went and had lunch with Ella at her school.

My grandfather is slowly disappearing before my eyes.

Meanwhile, the grass needs to be cut, there’s weeds running rampant in our flower beds, the inside of the house looks like the after-effects of a Kindergarten fraternity party, and the air conditioner is almost out of Freon.

I know there are other people out there with far worse going on in their lives. I know there are people who face the loss of their house, or their job, or their marriage, on top of a list similar to mine. It’s the nature, I suppose, of being human.

But in the midst of all of this, the one thing that keeps coming back to me day after day is this:

What if you didn’t have your faith?

I don’t have the energy to proselytize, so don’t think you’re gonna get a sermon. I’m just trying to tell you how it is for me. And how it is is that if I didn’t believe in the existence of a transcendent God, I would be crazy about right now because sometimes life seems very much out of control. It’s like grabbing at sand – you think you have it, but watch it all slip away despite it all.

So there is great relief to be found in the existence of someone Greater than me who sees it all in perspective and tells me to relax, because I can’t see that far ahead and I certainly can’t give myself permission to relax. I’m relieved to be relieved of being in control; it’s indescribably wonderful to be able to lean back in my chair and say, “Know what? Screw it. I’m gonna go to bed and trust God to work it out.”

That’s ugly and borderline blasphemous, but it’s how I feel right now. The world is changing so fast around me that I’m tired of trying to keep up. I’m going to lean back in my chair and let God be God, and let me be me.

And tomorrow I’m going to cut grass.

One thought on “Today, I Give Up

  1. Never give up, never surrender……you’re in good hands! As long as the wind blows and the grass grows, we will have days like today. Rejoice in your faith and let the day follow HIS path.

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